Category: ramblings Page 2 of 6

More Zombies! Yaya!

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On March 31, 2020

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So on Sunday I went shooting with my compound bow. There were some adjustments I still needed to do. This time, I brought the Chupacabra with me. She used some form of canine mind control on me earlier in the morning, kinda forcing me to bring her along. No proof of course. But my 97 year old grandmother used to say “they ask us to believe that a man walked on the moon…I’m telling you that my friends are as real”. Elvira, Vincent and Ronnie were her imaginary friends and the subject of many 911 calls. That’s a story for another day.

While almost no one was there (covid-19 media propaganda along with stupid elected officials mandates) the few that showed up were very nice! After adjusting the bow, and quite pleased with myself as well, I packed up and headed home. My littles ones were patiently awaiting my return. To be clear, not the Chupacabra.

Other than the crap that’s being perpetuated by the media, along with the gov, I am very sad as I drive by places that are shuttered! The swap meet is now the “Not Meet”. The sellers depend on that income from the weekly venue! The fallout is getting worse and mostly, we have the stupids in charge to thank.

While the situation is real, the response is not. I have yet to see the comparison to the flu and total cases etc. History will be the only validation in the near future. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use common sense to keep ourselves fairly safe. Although I am getting tired of burning my clothes every time I get home from work. And it’s very expensive!

Here is a little something I got from my seester:

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out. 

Keep the faith…

 

how can I…

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On March 24, 2020

In all posts, music, ramblings

A friend posted a beautiful poem on a messenger group I belong to earlier today. Which kinda reminded me of a song I had written about 30 years ago. Seems to me I wrote quite a few songs during that Renaissance period in my life. Mostly romantic ones for some strange reason (hopeless romantic that I am…smile). So tonight, I dusted it off, downloaded some stock videos from various royalty free sites, (which I will be giving credit at the end of the video when I finish it later) and spent the last few hours making another lyric video.  For now, it’s a watchable rough draft.

how can I…   (c) jascar music ascap

 

The poem copied below that started me down this road.

If I could Catch a Rainbow
by: Sandra Lewis Pringle

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
and share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea
But all these things I'm finding
are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be what I know best-
A friend who's always there.

 

always love me

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On March 16, 2020

In all posts, music, ramblings

Many years ago during the dark ages… well not that long ago, more like during my early recording days, I met this guy. His name was Stephen Wolfe Smith. He was an actor and a singer. At least that was my interaction with him.

I was writing songs at a breakneck speed and really not able to sing most of them as they weren’t in my vocal range. I asked Stephen if he would sing a few of my tunes. And so began a pretty interesting 3 tune adventure.

However, there was one of my tunes that didn’t haven’t any lyrics, although the melody line and song title, chorus etc, I had already written. Rough for sure, but it was there.

Stephen asked how would I feel if he wrote some lyrics to my tune “Always Love Me”.

I thought it was a great idea. While there is another story related to me and Stephen, which I’m not getting into here, what he came up with was a very emotional story that fit so well with my music – I was amazed.

Sadly, he passed away shortly after, in his prime, and it wasn’t until a few years later I would learn he wrote the lyrics for his lover. Which explains the depth I could feel as he was singing during the recording session.

Fast forward almost 30 years. I dusted off the cobwebs and thought, “this would make a nice lyric video”

I found some wonderful public domain images to use and put this together tonight. Since this is my first attempt at making a lyric video, go easy on me…(smile)

I may polish it a bit more – or not. In the meantime take a listen. Hope you enjoy it…

 

Saturday in the Park

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On March 7, 2020

In all posts, ramblings

I think it was the 4th of July…nah. I’m not in a park. Although I passed one earlier. That counts, right?  In fact, some parks have areas where you can enjoy walking on the many trails that traverse the various scenic and beautiful views of local flora and fauna. But that’s not what this post is about.

 

It’s about taking time for yourself just to relax and smell the coffee. If you drink coffee. I do. Don’t you. If you don’t,  don’t bother reading any further because, well because. Geesh, OK you can continue reading. That was a little harsh coming from me. But coffee? Come on! Especially with added mushroom powders offering medicinal support. Like for example: Reishi- excellent for breathing issues and supports the immune system.

Example: Chaga- supports your immune system and tastes pretty darn good in tea.

Example: Lions Mane- brain support! And tastes a little like lobster.

So there you have it. Saturday in the Park. Or not. Your choice.

letter from prison

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On March 2, 2020

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Leap day. Once every 4 years. Can be one of those days that mischievous things occur. Or not. Take for example this leap year. I received a letter from my imaginary friend. Apparently, in prison now for a crime that wasn’t committed by them. And since that’s what everyone says once convicted and sentenced (some unjustly!) I am posting the letter in it’s entirety. You will be the judge this time…

———————————————————————-

Dear Carl Jasper,

I know it’s been awhile since we’ve talked, but really it’s been an amazing year. Although not without its share of downers. Today is Leap Year Day. Woohoo! Which is when all my troubles began 4 years ago on this very day. Un-WooHoo…

I was minding my own business at the bank withdrawing some cash when this guy comes running up to me, hands me a duffel bag, puts a rifle in my arms and says “I’ll be right back, please hang onto this for me”.

He ran out the front door with a duffel that looked just like the one he left with me. I started running after him when all hell broke loose. The next moment I was on the floor, having been tackled by 6 officers and this lady, knocking the wind out of me. I was then arrested for robbing the bank. Can you imagine it? Me robbing a bank. Well, they expedited my hearing before the judge, mostly because there were plans for the interior of the bank in my apt and a few masks. Can you say FOIA? I’m entitled to know where my money is being kept, don’t you agree? And the masks were because I’m afraid of germs. They’re everywhere you know.

Coincidentally, they were the same masks worn by the bank robbers. I mean, come-on, right now everyone in China is wearing a mask. Are they bank robbers too? And the DNA evidence from the masks recovered match mine apparently. One of the robbers kissed me briefly which I believe is where the DNA came from. Even without that, the robbers all had tattoos that looked like mine! Can you say “Framed???”

During lockup at county, a snitch told the detectives assigned to the case, I was bragging about a bank job. Of course I was! I work for a contractor and recently submitted a bid that was accepted. I now see how easy it is for law enforcement to twist your words. Geesh. My lawyer wasn’t any help either. He advised me to take a plea deal of 5 years. Mostly because the gunshot residue on my hands matched the kind used during the heist. “UM, HELLO?!”, I told them I was at the gun range, target shooting earlier in the day and all they did was smile, like I was lying or something.

I hope this letter gets to you, I had to give up a carton of smokes to a guard to mail it. Leap day is no longer my favorite day. I know, maybe I’m being a little harsh, but hey, prison?

I will be getting out soon. My cellmate has connections to a person building a tunnel. Oh! Not here at the prison, ah, I mean a tunnel in Mexico! Whew, don’t want to be misunderstood again on leap day…!

Stay cool, because you’re the coolest person I know. Miss ya,

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (redacted)

—————————————————————–

There you have have it. Another reason to fear Leap Day. Perhaps this is a lesson to be learned by all. There are mysteries in the world that haven’t been explained or discovered as of yet. I would type more but I’m off to the post office to send more cartons to my friend. Another mystery that baffles me is the cost of smokes. It’s mostly 80% fees and taxes that go to the government. But that’s a good reason to fear governments in general, everyday. Legalized theft!

Stay Free.

-carl jasper.

the amazing device!

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On February 25, 2020

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Since my archery adventures are shooting towards the stars, I have been scouring the internet like Leonard Nimoy from “In search of…” for additional add-ons and devices to help with my newfound passion. When I first watched Star Trek on a color tv in the early 60’s, I was impressed with Leonard Nimoy’s rendition of “Spock”. Plus with which, his knowledge and grasp of technology was attractive. While Kirk, played by William Shatner was the sexy, devil may care playboy of outer space, “Spock” was the brains.

I was drawn to the mystique of electronic marvels and gadgets that transcended the current level of scientific knowledge. Of course, secretly, the government had all these devices being built from the downed spacecraft at Area’s 50-52. Yep, even the area they don’t think we know about. Just saying. When the replicator first debuted on “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and to be fair it had been written about by scifi authors for generations, the term “Replicator” was coined and made popular by Star Trek.

I was in awe. How was this possible? As a kid, it just was. Fact. This  “Replicator” existed. It wasn’t until I got much older that I learned our level of knowledge had not reached the point that was being portrayed by very believable actors. Still, I dreamed. Some of the devices used on Star Trek and other science fiction venues, are slowly coming to pass. For example, the “tricorder”. You can buy a handheld ultrasound for personal use. IN the works – are various health electronics that attach to your cell phone that give an instant diagnosis of your bodies various markers.  The list goes on.

I was slow to understand and finally get involved in 3D printing. The capabilities of a replicator, bring with it the promise of matter to energy transformations, where anything could be “replicated”, from food to additional parts for various repairs etc. 3D printers are a step in that direction. While searching the internet for an “arrow clip” that would hold my arrows in my bow case, I realized I could 3D print them, instead of buying. And also because my search was turning up very few options. I wondered if I could make them on my 3D printer? Perhaps, instead of reinventing the wheel, maybe someone already had.

YES! Someone had and they were just what the doctor from Star Trek prescribed. “I’m a doctor, not an engineer” Bones would say to Kirk. I downloaded the files, hooked up my printer and after a few misfires, got started on another adventure into the future of home repair. Why buy common items when you can make them at home? Of course there always be companies that form to sell you the files for a price. And there will always be those that design and make stuff, just because. For now I am using “thingverse” Website which has freely downloadable printer objects. Some are very useful and others are very specific. Instead of spending hours and days designing an arrow clip, I found one made by a fellow archery enthusiast. Here’s my printer and one of the clips I printed below.

Simply amazing…

practicing for the zombiepocalypse

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On February 23, 2020

In all posts, events, music, ramblings

Today started out as any other day. With the exception of the preparations for the coming zombieapocalypse. Maybe. I don’t know for sure. But if there is one, I want to be prepared. And to coin a recent phrase I heard “I will be prepared so you don’t have too”. Knowing I’m on the job makes you feel safe, right?

One arrow got away from me, mostly because the zombie was messing with my head. Looking at me. Daring me. Confusing me. In the end though, during the Zen moment when the arrow and me become one with the universe, I wiped the smile right off it’s face! Take that – zombie zombie bo bombie, banana-fanna bo-fombie, fee-fi-mo-mombie, zom-bie. (just saying…little happy dance!)

Tonight I will finally be able to rest, knowing my training is progressing quite well. Or indoctrination. Or brainwashing. That’s what the leader keeps saying, during the photo-strobe while I’m strapped to a chair in a dark room watching images of zombies flash on the projector screen. Eek!

Hope you sleep well this evening. I might wait a bit until the tick under my right eye settles down…

Bonus Music Section: I’m a Zombie

I'm a zombie
(c) 2015 carl jasper hoffman : jascar music

VERSE

I woke up this morning alone in my bed
I smelled something awful, I smelled something dead
I looked in the mirror my head was a mess
my clothes were all torn I did not look my best

CHORUS

I'm a zombie, you can't tell me otherwise
I'll show you, I'll poke out my eyes
I'm a zombie, this isn't a clever disguise
just pull on my arm for a big surprise

VERSE

I tried to eat breakfast but something was wrong
my stomach was craving a nice bloody blond
I went to the market to get a raw steak
then some sheriff shot me, I could not catch a break

CHORUS

BRIDGE

when the sun is going down
you need to hide, to not be found
I'm just another  pretty face
that wants to eat you, without a plate

if there's anything you've learned
set me on fire and watch me burn
or I'll come right back for you
a little crispy through and through

CHORUS

 

let’s agree to disagree

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On February 22, 2020

In all posts, ramblings

This. Title. Sucks.

Yep. What’s it called again? Something like a prehistoric animal during the dinosaur age I believe.

Ah, yes, a platitude.

And just what is a plati-whatever?

Platitudes look like meaningful statements on the surface. But plati’s offer very little help or compassion when offered.  Let’s take some following examples and examine them a bit.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

What if the cloud doesn’t have a silver lining? How do you explain it then? How about “I think if we look closer, there’s a possible solution ahead”

There’s no I in Team

There’s also no I in we or us or them. How about instead saying “Let’s work together and try to make this happen…”

Good things come to those who wait

So, if I wait, good things will happen? Show me. Geesh. This reminds me of Abrahams Hicks. Although that is prefaced with something called “the Laws of Attraction”. I have read excerpts from another book by Lynn Grabhorn called “Excuse me, your life is Waiting” which explains the laws much better and how the above statement is meaningless. But really “good things come to those who wait?” I’ve been waiting my entire life and still wake up waiting. Time for change, right?

Don’t be sad because it’s over, be glad that it happened

This is one I have used before. And sometimes it has deep meaning when said in the right context. But what about the wrong context? What if there was a 5 car pile up on the interstate and multiple fatalities?  Better not to say this one at all.

When I use them, which I do occasionally, mostly because there’s millions of them and eventually they just come out, I try and take a step back. Because I don’t want to be that person. I want my interactions with people to be real. Not fake. I was reminded of a saying today…

“Don’t judge me because I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.” –Darynda Jones

Which is not a plati-whatever. This one falls under plati-pre-meditation. (smile)

Enjoy your weekend. Tomorrow I am shooting my new compound bow. Yippee! Yi yo kai yay or something like that…although I am praying for the people that walk slowly by the targets. Good thing I’m not a great shot. Yet.

 

chupacabra

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On February 22, 2020

In all posts, ramblings

Yep. A somewhat mythical creature that drains the blood from it’s victims, walks on hind legs, has claws for hands and roams the night with almost x-ray vision. Recently, it occurred to me that I had in my possession, the offspring of a chupacabra mixed with the devil. Or devils son. Or demon. Bad spirit maybe? Anyways, evil in general.

This chupacabra roams the halls of my home when I leave for work. Mostly, I pray the house will still be standing upon my return. Sometimes, my prayers are answered. Does that mean there is a god? Or just a trickster leading me into temptation?

When I go to bed at night, all my doors are locked while the chupacabra sleeps below me. I keep various food items as offerings next to my bed to prevent being eaten before the morning comes. Occasionally they aren’t enough. So I upped my chances by including a spray bottle of holy water, blessed by a priest, a monk, a nun and an exorcist, placed strategically next to where I keep the offerings.

What? YOU THINK I’M MAKING THIS UP??!!!.

I thought you might, so I snapped a photo to post here for proof of life. Never have been one to force my beliefs on another person, so makeup your own mind after seeing the evidence below…

I can only hope that some miracle takes place in the upcoming weeks and months before I become just another tasty treat for the

“CHUPACABRA” …(maniacal laughter trailing into the distance)

 

rebirth

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On February 7, 2020

In all posts, ramblings

Recently, I went hiking, (I know, how unusual, huh?) and while walking back to the car, stopped at this tree that had been almost burned to the ground. In fact the whole hiking area was pretty much torched from the recent fires in Porter Ranch. This was and still can be one of the better hikes in the San Fernando Valley. With a stream that runs the length of the park called “Limekiln Canyon trail”, the greens of life overflow in abundance, from the trees to bushes, grasses and some exotic plants, it’s a place of calming beauty, tranquil river whispers, birds that chant “hello“.

Since the fire, most of that is now gone. Yes, there is the beginning of life returning to this once majestic hideaway nestled among the mountain ranges of San Fernando Valley. And yes, it will return once again, becoming a favorite among hikers and casual strollers looking to escape the tedium of the concrete forest known as “the neighborhood”.

What gives me this impetuous knowledge that all will be well again? What possibly could be my motivation towards such a positive outlook? Well, since you didn’t ask, I’m gonna tell you! And show you.

On the way back to the car, I stopped and snapped this photo of a completely burned tree, with new growth in defiance of the devastation that had transpired in it’s home. Proudly sprouting new limbs where none had been. Challenging the fire to once again, another showdown. Of course hopefully not anytime soon.

To me, this is life everywhere. When something seems impossible or a part of your life becomes almost unbearable and the odds that things will turn in your favor seem slim to nothing at all – remember this lone tree. Not taking no for an answer. Not giving up. Not giving in to the negativity and destruction that surrounds it.

You can start from the ashes once again. Whether it’s something simple or something overpowering, take now to imagine what your life can be like. What you want to experience. To learn. To love.

And then…?

 

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