I was retelling a story the other night, which I’m going to share here today. The names will be changed to protect the guilty of course. No graphic warnings needed as there will be no photos associated with this post.
The following true events recounted as told to me by Carlj:
Carlj: About 30 years ago Ceej, I had a relationship that I considered very loving and good. The highs were amazing and the lows sometimes devastating. Overall, the chemistry was great. At least until a few “turning points”. I didn’t even know what turning points were until 30 plus years later. By then the damage to the relationship had already occurred.
And unknown to me as well, I had the power to change the events for the better. Did I? Did I even try? Nope. In fact, I doubled down on my spoken thoughts and concerns. OK, I get it, you’re asking me to get to the point? Or turning point in this case…
My girl Nancy called me in the wee hours of the morning, during the middle of the week and said, “Come over and service me, right now. You’re my man and I need you”
WOW! Any normal male wouldn’t even take the time to gracefully hangup the phone. To be sure, I was a normal male, but something prompted me to say, “I have work in the morning. Are you crazy?” Or something to that effect.
Fast forward to the second event. Nancy, was in a small fender bender one evening coming back from a clandestine meeting with another man. Did I know about it? Not at the time. But still, who did she call? Me. Crying and upset she reached out to me. Once again I was in bed and said, “I have work in the morning. Glad you’re OK. Talk later”
Two attempts at making a solid connection. Two attempts refused. What could I have done differently? The first attempt I could have explained myself better “I have work in the morning. I love that you continue to bring the wolf out in me, you’re offer is so tempting! Could we take a rain check for tomorrow evening? Nothing would make me happier than to service my woman”
Second attempt: “I have to work in the morning. Can the car be driven? Do you need a tow truck or a ride? I am so glad you weren’t hurt, darling. Please call me after you know more…love you”
Even though the second attempt sounds better, the correct thing would have been to go there. Accidents/deaths/sadness are somethings you share with a loved one to lessen the impact and get comfort from. And I failed both attempts at a loving connection.
The damage had been done and events were set into motion that ended our relationship. And they continued to pile on. It was easier to double down adding new reasons as well, than to back up and rethink it all. Just one moment in time, where if I had really listened, might have changed the dynamics of our relationship completely.
So Ceej, I know you’re curious and want to ask, if I could go back in time and change my actions to obtain a better outcome, would I?
Ceej: You are not only wise and fascinating Carlj, but also a mind reader?
Carlj: LOL. You’re funny Ceej. But no. Not a mind reader. To be sure, I would not change anything. It pains me to say that. The lessons learned are more important to me now that I understand them. Even if it took thirty years or more. This “turning point” was huge and not hidden from sight at the time and yet, I couldn’t see it much less understand it. Time teaches.
Ceej: Well, thank you for being here Carlj, that’s all the time we have on this blog, so join us next time for:
“the intensity of life”