Month: December 2019 Page 2 of 3

winter heating: blues and reds

Everything government touches turns to crap – Ringo Starr

Many moons ago, when LED light bulbs were just beginning an amazing transition from unusable to completely functional for day to day use, I joined the growing ranks of early adopters. I spent oodles of money on the latest and greatest of the first replacement bulbs made for a US E26 regular light socket.

You could barely read by the light emanating from the 50 or so LEDs all grouped together. I was sold! Not only was my electric bill going to plummet down to realized savings, I was also helping the planet!

Along comes the Bush and Obama administrations and incandescent bulbs are made nearly illegal at certain power levels. 100 watt bulbs are going to be phased out completely for starters. I was being told I could no longer purchase bulbs with higher watts, and if I did I would become a criminal of sorts. An evil criminal mastermind. A wattage thief!

Fast forward to today and the Trump administration is about to remove all these restrictions put in place by the previous ones. The reasoning is, let the market decide along with the buying public. Wow, what a refreshing thought. Let people use their wallets to determine the success or failure of LED bulbs.

Being an early adopter myself, I wasn’t in it for the “green” savings. I was in it for the “coolness” factor. Can you say yay? The end result of changing out all my bulbs along with millions of other households? Higher electricity prices. Since peoples bills were being slashed by leaps and bounds, the power utilities were losing revenue faster than you could say “buggybillybumperblankets” assuming you say that fairly fast.

So, today I had a revelation. My electric bill has been constantly creeping up while using electric heating. My gas usage has gone up as well. All to keep my house warm as the cold front storms across my doors. What if, just what if I replaced all my LED bulbs with regular incandescents throughout my house and left them on for longer periods of time? Since a by-product of incandescent bulbs is heat, my home would need less gas for heating and less electricity for the space heaters. And when spring came, I could return the LED bulbs back and store the incandescents until the next winter.

So I got out my slide ruler and used the following equation: LEDBULB – INCANDESCENT = LESSPOWERUSED along with GE-HIGHERPRICES = GOVERNMENT+LOBBYISTS. Not to mention that disposing of burnt out LED bulbs is against the law and they must be recycled.

Once again I face possible criminal charges.

the uncertainty of certainty

What makes something certain? Is it hope? Or love? Perhaps an exchange of ideas can be considered a “certainty”.

What if you somehow knew that winning this weeks lotto was for certain. Would you play? Of course I would, mamma didn’t raise no dummy.

There are many paths ahead of me. And I always thought that when using the phrase ” for certain” or “certainly” the signals being sent to another person were clear cut and understandable. But now I’m not so sure. And certain seems kind of uncertain.

People are different. Yep, I’m a late bloomer and am just noticing that girls are not men. They are also “certainly” different when it comes to talking about relationships.

My personal experiences usually consist of listening, digesting and understanding about a week or two later on. Why? Was I born with the trait “uncertain” cursing through my blood? I’ve also discovered that certain comes with a built-in uncertainty clause.

I have been learning to recognize my emotions/instincts which hopefully will help me build better friendships, longer lasting relationships. I’m certainly finding out it takes more then certainty to build strong foundations. Sometimes a little uncertainty goes a long way to making them stronger.

the little things

The little things can be big things in life. There’s an old joke that goes something like this:

How much dirt is there in a hole 3ft wide by 3ft long by 3ft deep?

Yo, there’s no dirt in a hole.

Trying hard to understand life with all the implications and unknowable outcomes can fry even the largest of brains. Think of the missing dirt as a life that’s been lived. As there’s no dirt in the hole, since it’s already been dug, the obvious retort would be “well, fill it back up then…” or “dig another one”. And that brings us to today’s post.

I used to get tired. I mean really tired. So tired I would fall asleep next to my girl while watching a blockbuster movie. I know, some of you are saying “what movie? It would depend on the movie CarlJ…” Really? (use to be me saying that…LOL) Fast forward to now, or yesterday evening to be exact, I was enjoying some scrumptious homemade chili, a game of imagineIFF and some great company. As the evening progressed and most had left the building, I remained as the Last of the Mohicans. We talked for a bit, all while deciding which show/movie to watch on Roku.

Life can be complicated. So can picking out a show to watch. Over time it became apparent that no show was forthcoming or could compete with the intense discussions we were having:

“Do you really think that Marty Mcfly went back to the future in a Delorean?”

“Of course, but without the Delorean, time travel is impossible” I would say.

While the above dialog is fictional, the conversation moved around from topic to table, earth to sun, life to love. Because of the emotional impact of our words, the air was thick and syrupy. Breathing became difficult. Being the smartest person in Santa Clarita I said “How about a walk and talk?” (I am walking a fine line with the walk and talk statement. The smartest person is of course factual…)

By now, time, always the achiever, moved progressively onward. “CarlJ, it’s almost 1:30am” I was told. And here’s the kicker. I wasn’t tired. In. The. Least. Why you quietly ask? (well you didn’t , so I asked for you, before you could say you weren’t interested – as I’m very sensitive and it would hurt my feelings. A preemptive strike in a way…smile)

But even the best of evenings must come to an close. Time teaches us these truths. But wait! I still wasn’t tired. I would normally fall asleep without even knowing it! I’m not narcoleptic, just good at falling asleep. My body was changing. With all my focus on health the last few years, my internal clocks have been reset. Although if we had watched a show, I most probably would still be there, snoring away, while the neighbors called the cops about a bear attack in the house next to them. Eek! I am very loud now and then…

Upon arriving home, my newest member of the family, (I will post pictures later) was barking and chewing my arm in delight.

“Where were you? I needed a snack. The other dogs won’t play wiff me. The cat is aloof, I don’t even know what the word “ALUFF” means. Is it a cat bark? Like “Meow, Aluff!”

My mind was racing from the evenings discussions into the wee hours of the night. Sleep was not to come for quite some time.

The moral of this diatribe? Don’t change your diet and get healthy if you want to sleep at a decent hour…

the paradox of warm chills

The current weather forecast is something like: “Lows in the mid 30’s with highs hitting around 60”. You would think that it’s not the best weather for a quick hike on a mountain trail. And you would be wrong. Hold on there, them’s fightin’ words fer sure! Sometimes the cold spurs you on, keeping the blood from freezing or getting frostbite etc.

And you can always wear a few pairs of socks, a double jacket, warm pants and simple toasty gloves with a hat to match that keeps your head warm. Keeping the sun to your right on the way forward, to your left on the return, can also help to prevent icicles from forming and slowing you down.

But what if, just what if there was something more than sun, more than the warmth of a cozy mountain parka? More than gloves and a hat? And what if this “something” could warm you from the inside out? What if that warmth put out more therms than a toasty fireplace on a frosty winters eve? Is there such a something?

There is. And you would see this from miles away. It’s almost supernatural with the way it makes you forget it’s cold. Powerful beyond your wildest thoughts and dreams. Warmer than the surface of a star. Something so simple and true, the darkest evening wouldn’t stand a chance. Just what is this amazing and incredible “something”?

The beautiful smile of another person.

puppy day!

Today. Is. Puppy. day. Yay!.

All these questions I have! Will I feed her good? Will I take care of her when she’s sick? Will I teach her not to buy anything from door to door salespeople and not to turn on my computer and email her cousins or shop amazon for biscuits? I have more questions than answers at the moment.

Personal questions: am I taking on too much responsibility, given that I may no longer be a California resident soon? Can I integrate her safely with my existing entourage of geriatric critters? And most importantly, does she like watching the updated Netflix series, “Lost in Space”?

I sit while drinking a special coffee blend, eating a piece of sourdough toast with sauerkraut on top (among other toppings as well) while savoring a ChoZero bar, thinking, “why”?

Have I lost my mind? Does the sun rise or the earth spin? Will Walmart ever carry ChoZero? Do cannibals use toothpicks after eating their best friends? Long ago I would have thrown caution to the wind and jumped right into a new member of the family. Instead, being the cautious worry toad that I am, I spent about 60 seconds before jumping in while I contemplated the above meanderings.

With all the worry and doubts I have about this, the frantic pacing back and forth, to and fro, with my mind racing faster than a formula one speedster, I realize something huge. Something I said in an earlier post. That something clears all the cobwebs and doubts from my confused and cluttered brain. The answer is because…

…because I have faith.

…spiritual musings

Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

On the terrace of a monastery high in the mountains, an old Buddhist Zen master stood next to a much younger monk while they both contemplated the great Void of misty space out yonder. The old monk at one point gently declared: “Ah, my son, one day all of this (Void) will be yours.”

Thought I would start off this post with a few musings. Hence the title of this post. But really, what are musings? Are they misguided attempts of possible outcomes or are they the beginning of cohesive actions. I’m not that smart when it comes to emotional or anything that requires me to empathize with another person. So that leaves out both possible answers to the above. For example take tonight. I went to a yoga class. After the way fun yoga stretches and movements (I’m just starting to feel the pain now…) we all did some meditating. You know, close your eyes, both feet planted firmly on the ground muscles relaxed, clear your mind.

About 10 minutes later they were shaking me out of my meditated state of being. Or at least that’s what they thought. During the guided meditation I had been sneaking peaks to see if the meditation was over. Mostly because of my hearing loss and when the teacher is speaking really low it’s a double whammy. When the yoga guide ended the meditation I didn’t hear her. Not even a little bit. Everyone thought I was on a spiritual plane of some sort. Little did they know…(smile)

mental status

They say you can die just from being sad. Or from having too much anxiety. Being scared to death is another one. But what no one ever talks about is being alone. I’m not saying being alone at home while working, watching tv or shopping etc, I’m saying being alone in your head.

When I “hit the sack” in the evening, I’m alone. Not only in my head but in my home. Society has said you must have another person in your life, to share hopes and dreams, losses and gains, sadness and happiness. But what if all we’ve learned throughout our lives is crap. Or better said, total crap. For most of my teens, I have had a significant other at one time or another. And most have come and gone into my life, searching for what makes them happy. But what makes me happy?

For the last 13 years I have been alone. For those that know me, not alone in company, but in my life. Having someone to share your life with requires lot’s of interventions, compromises and love. And yet I chose to be alone during that time by letting that life continue. I let my life continue that way, thinking it’s what’s accepted in life and society. I was always waiting for something to happen that would bring that “alone-ness” to an end. You can’t force it. You can only hope for the best and have faith that it will.

Why? Well, because we are creatures of hope. Although most of us will go through life with blinders on. Like me. I have, since the very first time my dad ran over my tricycle. It was years before I found out he was medically compromised. And someday, I will post about it at length. Over the years I’ve never realized how badly I’ve been affected by my childhood and teen years. And only recently have I begun to grow and love myself again.

I am alone. But something wonderful happened a few years ago. I broke. Mentally. Since then, I have been constantly evaluating my current life. I found myself alone, again. Even more so, since I understood what love meant to me after I broke. And once again, I chose to ignore what the very fiber of my being was telling me.

WHY? Why would I want to ignore the truth before me? Would the truth be that hard to swallow? Did my truth even matter? Actually, none of the above. I choose to believe. I choose to love. I choose to trust.

Because I have faith.

words to live by

“If you let your love of life shine brightly, you may light the way for someone who sits in the dark”.

Sent to me by my friend Carolyn. She comes up with some great one liners that girl. And she’s right. I have seen my love of life infect others. In a good way. And sometimes, it can be hard to always be cheerful. I try to be for the most part. Whenever I hear a good song or watch a great story unfold in a book or movie, the emotional impact can be overwhelming. And that’s just the way I like it…

the morning after

While hiking a few weeks back, we came across some bright green leaves on the forest bed. Was it stinging nettles? Poison Oak? Or something less nefarious. Well, stinging nettles is actually quite healthy. Tastes a little like spinach. I seem to forget it isn’t spinach and pick it with my bare hands. Can you say “absorbing junior?” Maybe I will learn better someday.

The leafy plant turns out to be wild blackberries. Of course getting them before the bears, birds and various critters of the wild, may prove to be frustrating.

This weekend was a long and emotional one for me. I’ve managed to talk myself out of doing stupid things. Being an adult can be hard sometimes. Which is why I am mostly silly and goofy about 95% of my waking day. Between my inherited mothers cat nudging me with her paw throughout the night and my geriatric pups barking at the rolly polly bug walking across the floor, sleep can be evasive.

Good morning to all!

Went to a Thai place for dinner tonight

Thai food. Sometimes it can be really good. At this place Mom Can Cook! I had the green beans, mushrooms and carrots with shrimp. In a brown garlic sauce. Very good. The place was jammed with people which is always a good sign for mom and pop eateries. 

Most of the time, I would rather stay home and make dinner. It’s less expensive and not as loud! It’s nice to get out once in awhile. 

Now I’m going to settle in and watch a few shows, relax and maybe organize a bit. Normally, I would have something clever to type. I think clever had left the building this evening. Enjoy your quiet evening. 

 

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