Category: all posts Page 14 of 15

Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

On the terrace of a monastery high in the mountains, an old Buddhist Zen master stood next to a much younger monk while they both contemplated the great Void of misty space out yonder. The old monk at one point gently declared: “Ah, my son, one day all of this (Void) will be yours.”

Thought I would start off this post with a few musings. Hence the title of this post. But really, what are musings? Are they misguided attempts of possible outcomes or are they the beginning of cohesive actions. I’m not that smart when it comes to emotional or anything that requires me to empathize with another person. So that leaves out both possible answers to the above. For example take tonight. I went to a yoga class. After the way fun yoga stretches and movements (I’m just starting to feel the pain now…) we all did some meditating. You know, close your eyes, both feet planted firmly on the ground muscles relaxed, clear your mind.

About 10 minutes later they were shaking me out of my meditated state of being. Or at least that’s what they thought. During the guided meditation I had been sneaking peaks to see if the meditation was over. Mostly because of my hearing loss and when the teacher is speaking really low it’s a double whammy. When the yoga guide ended the meditation I didn’t hear her. Not even a little bit. Everyone thought I was on a spiritual plane of some sort. Little did they know…(smile)

They say you can die just from being sad. Or from having too much anxiety. Being scared to death is another one. But what no one ever talks about is being alone. I’m not saying being alone at home while working, watching tv or shopping etc, I’m saying being alone in your head.

When I “hit the sack” in the evening, I’m alone. Not only in my head but in my home. Society has said you must have another person in your life, to share hopes and dreams, losses and gains, sadness and happiness. But what if all we’ve learned throughout our lives is crap. Or better said, total crap. For most of my teens, I have had a significant other at one time or another. And most have come and gone into my life, searching for what makes them happy. But what makes me happy?

For the last 13 years I have been alone. For those that know me, not alone in company, but in my life. Having someone to share your life with requires lot’s of interventions, compromises and love. And yet I chose to be alone during that time by letting that life continue. I let my life continue that way, thinking it’s what’s accepted in life and society. I was always waiting for something to happen that would bring that “alone-ness” to an end. You can’t force it. You can only hope for the best and have faith that it will.

Why? Well, because we are creatures of hope. Although most of us will go through life with blinders on. Like me. I have, since the very first time my dad ran over my tricycle. It was years before I found out he was medically compromised. And someday, I will post about it at length. Over the years I’ve never realized how badly I’ve been affected by my childhood and teen years. And only recently have I begun to grow and love myself again.

I am alone. But something wonderful happened a few years ago. I broke. Mentally. Since then, I have been constantly evaluating my current life. I found myself alone, again. Even more so, since I understood what love meant to me after I broke. And once again, I chose to ignore what the very fiber of my being was telling me.

WHY? Why would I want to ignore the truth before me? Would the truth be that hard to swallow? Did my truth even matter? Actually, none of the above. I choose to believe. I choose to love. I choose to trust.

Because I have faith.

While hiking a few weeks back, we came across some bright green leaves on the forest bed. Was it stinging nettles? Poison Oak? Or something less nefarious. Well, stinging nettles is actually quite healthy. Tastes a little like spinach. I seem to forget it isn’t spinach and pick it with my bare hands. Can you say “absorbing junior?” Maybe I will learn better someday.

The leafy plant turns out to be wild blackberries. Of course getting them before the bears, birds and various critters of the wild, may prove to be frustrating.

This weekend was a long and emotional one for me. I’ve managed to talk myself out of doing stupid things. Being an adult can be hard sometimes. Which is why I am mostly silly and goofy about 95% of my waking day. Between my inherited mothers cat nudging me with her paw throughout the night and my geriatric pups barking at the rolly polly bug walking across the floor, sleep can be evasive.

Good morning to all!

Thai food. Sometimes it can be really good. At this place Mom Can Cook! I had the green beans, mushrooms and carrots with shrimp. In a brown garlic sauce. Very good. The place was jammed with people which is always a good sign for mom and pop eateries. 

Most of the time, I would rather stay home and make dinner. It’s less expensive and not as loud! It’s nice to get out once in awhile. 

Now I’m going to settle in and watch a few shows, relax and maybe organize a bit. Normally, I would have something clever to type. I think clever had left the building this evening. Enjoy your quiet evening. 

This is my very first phone post. Yay. Let’s see… I was using my gas rototiller to try and make a diagonal path up the side of my mountain in back. Learning how to become a brain surgeon would have been easier. Now I’m not saying brain surgery is easy… I’ve watched many tv show doctors perform various operations which almost makes me an expert!

But back to my semi failed experiment – I wish my dogs could learn to dig on command. Speaking of dogs, my neighbor may give me one of their pups from a recent litter. It’s about 2 months old and adorable. I have a name picked out and everything! Will know in a couple of days.

The weekend is upon us. Or just me. I have been calling my neighbor to help load the old fridge on my truck to bring to the Salvation Army. You would think with “army” in the name they would be able to send someone over to pick it up. But no. Not to be. To be not is the answer. The old fridge works great! But the new one? Can you say FABULOUS? I can. Loving the new fridge.

I donate for tax writeoffs and sometimes because I believe another person could get some use out of my orphans. We have become the title of this post, although my thoughts have recently turned to selling instead. And why not? Lets take the following example:

Fridge over 19 years old. With water and ice dispencer in door. Original cost $750.

Donated: $100 dollar writeoff. For a tax reduction of maybe $25 dollars.

Selling: $50 dollars to private party. An increase of $50 in my pocket!

Giving away: This is the best option. You know it’s going to get used. Plus they can haul it away. Donating big items as I have discovered requires bringing the items to the donation center.

By donating, I also clear out the cobwebs of my accumulated junk from my garage and house. Where did all this stuff come from? And why? I don’t have the answers but I have a sure fire solution for some items.

Donate.

Somehow today I started thinking about the meaning of life. Yep. Would I even want the answer if that was even possible? It’s a scary question to ask. At least for me it is. And I’m not even going into the existence of any all powerful beings such as god etc. Although my neighbor could. She’s well versed in those subjects and I defer to her on that. So, what is my purpose for living? Is my life meaningless? Well, a few quotes from those that pondered before me…

“Plato says that the unexamined life is not worth living. But what if the examined life turns out to be a clunker as well?”
― Kurt Vonnegut   

“The secret to life is meaningless unless you discover it yourself.”
― W. Somerset Maugham

“The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is…42!”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

After reading the above quotes I am 0.000000000000000001 closer to understanding. A favorite one is:

‘And so the meaning of life, of our life, is that which we choose to give it.’

and…

‘It might become clear at some point, but until then — the Meaning of Life is… are you ready?

A matter of opinion.
It’s for each person to define.’

No matter what you believe, or what you decide life is, you have to make it happen. In other words, do it. But do you get meaning from what you do OR how you feel?

I like watching Christmas movies. Mostly because they’re corny and fun. At least the good ones are. I’m a sap for them. Especially when the endings are so ridiculously perfect and happy I start crying tears of joy. Plus with which, (smile) they increase your immune system! Yep. True. I watched a silly one this evening about a man who put a Christmas tree on his roof every year. The town building dept made him remove it as he was violating a city code. Each year he said no and each year he was thrown in jail on Christmas eve. Spoiler alert! His wife left him almost 20 years earlier along with taking their son. He told his son to look for the Christmas tree on a roof to find the way back to his father someday.

Of course at the very end the tree is taken down and somehow the good people get the tree back on the roof, just in time as the son, now grown, is driving through the small country town. To me it’s like a giant big hug! I love it.

Does that make me a sap? You betcha. Emotional? You know it! So until the next movie, the meaning of life to you is?

So, here I am again. Making up stuff for fun. Well, not for fun. More because it’s cold outside. And it’s my second post. The third one will be coming very soon.

UPDATE: I am patiently waiting. For something. Anything. A sign? A miracle? Maybe a notice from an alphabet agency telling me they need my kitchen remodelling money again? Perhaps I am waiting for some inspiration to write some tunes or at least work on the ones that need finishing. Really, I think I’m waiting for my vision or purpose in life to majestically appear or finally be realized. Until then, my purpose is being fulfilled by making a healthy smoothie.